Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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