Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
