She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
