this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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