Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
