If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
