I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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