Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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