mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
