Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My penis needs a shock collar
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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