god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just saw a hot homeless man
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
