I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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