i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
