How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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