Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
