something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
