i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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