Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
