i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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