playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Drunk is a universal language darling
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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