and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
