please come you make the beer taste better
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize