In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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