I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
