there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
