You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
