my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
