You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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