She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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