My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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