apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
In other news, I just burned my penis
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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