Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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