Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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