Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
