I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
