You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
