which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I AM VODKA MAN
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
