It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How does one acquire holy water?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
