You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
