yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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