Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize