he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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