haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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