It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
