I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
