Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
