Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
