hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
