Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We left an ass print on the piano.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
