Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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