so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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