Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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