i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
