Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
In America we eat man semen.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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