shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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