I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
