Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
