I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
