I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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