he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
