My hand turned me down
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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