I just pynch a tree in the face
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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