The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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