can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
