watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
