He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
