at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
