I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
