haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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