spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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