can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
