is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
