Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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