I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
