At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
don't judge my taste in strippers
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
