WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
