I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
