Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
