i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
